Glorfindel's Motorcycle
by Blue Autumn Sky
Summary: One day Glorfindel gets himself a Motorcycle. What will happen when Arwen decides to steal it? Rated PG just to be safe.
1. Glorfindel's Motorcycle

Author's Note: This story came into my head while I was in the shower. I don't know if it'll be a one-shot or not, but I sure enjoyed writing this. This is intended to be humor, so don't take this seriously. Flames will be used to roast my marshmallows and make s'mores out of.

* * *

One Day the Leaders of the three great Elven Realms of Middle Earth were all gathered in the House Of Elrond to discuss important political matters. All of them, that is, except for Glorfindel of Rivendell. The Elves went on with the meeting without him, but in the back of their mind they could not help but wonder where the Balrog slayer was. 

"Lord Elrond" Thranduil finally spoke up, "Do you have any idea where Glorfindel is? Should he not be here at the meeting as well?"

"Indeed he should" Elrond replied.

"Where is he then?" Celeborn asked.

"He said he had pressing matters to attend to" Was Elrond's curt reply.

The Elf Lords dismissed the subject and continued on with more important affairs that needed to be tended to. This went on for several minutes in peace until a loud, strange sound erupted throughout the halls.

**HONK!**

In surprise the Elf Lords jumped up in the air, several of them falling out of their seats and hitting their heads on the floor. Several moans and even a few curse words filled the air of the once peaceful meeting room.

"What was that?!" Celeborn asked.

"I don't know" Elrond replied, worry smeared across his face.

"It sounded like it came from outside!" Thranduil said.

Thranduil ran out of the room with Celeborn and Elrond following closely behind. They went just outside of the House of Elrond and found the origin of the noise. But it was NOT what they expected.

"Hey guys" Glorfindel waved at the staring Elf Lords.

Glorfindel was standing there clad in tight, black leather pants, a blood red shirt, a black leather jacket, his golden hair tied in a loose ponytail and a black helmet on his head. But that wasn't the thing that shocked the Elf Lords the most, although his wardrobe was pretty surprising. What shocked them was the strange contraption that stood behind Glorfindel.

"Glorfindel" Elrond gasped, " What is that thing behind you!"

"This…" Glorfindel grinned proudly, "is a Harley-Davidson FLSTN-i Heritage Softail Deluxe Injected 4th age Model with Twin Cam 88B™ (balanced) EFI engine"

The Elf Lords gave him several blank looks.

"It's my new motorcycle" Glorfindel explained.

More blank looks.

"You know? A motorcycle, motorbike, bicycle, Harley, Honda, roadhog, it has a motor, you ride it!?" Glorfindel stared at the confused elf lords, " Man you guys are dense! It's the 4th age! Don't tell me you've never heard of horseless carriages!"

"How do you ride a carriage without a horse?" Celeborn asked, " Do you use oxen?"

Glorfindel stared at Celeborn like he just grew another head, " Oh. My. Gosh."

He gaped.

"Glorfindel" Elrond stepped forward, trying to sound reasonable, "Neither I, nor Thranduil, or Celeborn, nor any other elf in Rivendell I'd imagine, has ever seen anything like this before."

"Hey Glorfindel" A voice shouted from one of the upper balconies, "Nice new wheels!"

Everyone looked up to see Elrond's twin sons, Elladan and Elrohir. The two elves slid down the staircase, past the three Elven Lords, and right in front of Glorfindel and his new Harley.

"Whoa, that's one sweet ride" Elladan said.

"Where did you get it?" Elrohir asked.

"I bought it in Gondor" Glorfindel replied, "They're very popular over there"

"Cool…." Both boys stared in fascination at the motorbike.

" You mean you boys have heard of these mo-tur-cy-kle things?" Elrond said.

"Well, duh" Was Elladan's courteous reply.

"Like, who hasn't" Elrohir added.

Elrond, Celeborn, and Thranduil stared at Glorfindel, then the twins, then at the motorcycle, utterly flabbergasted. They couldn't believe they had been left in dark about the motorcycles.

"Well then" Elrond managed to compose himself, " Tell me Glorfindel, what exactly does this motor thingy do?"

Glorfindel grinned, " I was afraid you'd never ask" He jumped onto his new bike and gripped the handlebars, "Hop on"

"You can't be serious" Elrond stared.

"Come on" Glorfindel said, "It won't bite"

Sighing, Elrond crawled onto the motorcycle behind Glorfindel. Glorfindel gave him a helmet and showed him how to hook it up. Then, after instructing Elrond how to hold on, he turned the keys. The Harley made a load roar as the engine started.

"Ackkk!" Elrond screamed and tried to jump off, but Glorfindel held him on.

"Come on" He pulled Elrond back to his seat, " Don't be such a baby. It's just the motor"

"It growled at me" Elrond said accusingly, "I refuse to ride on anything that growls at me"

Glorfindel sighed, "It's didn't growl at you. It's not even alive. It's nothing more than metal and mechanics. Now just relax and enjoy the ride"

Grumbling, Elrond wrapped his arms around Glorfindel's waist. Glorfindel pulled out a pair of dark shades and put them over his eyes. His turned and grinned at Thranduil, Celeborn and the twins. To show off, he accelerated his motor but kept the clutch on, causing it to make several loud roars that made Elrond even more nervous.

"Here we go" Glorfindel warned Elrond.

He released the clutch and went on into drive. In an instant the Harley zoomed off at 80 miles an hour, riding past the twins and the remaining elf lords. A cloud of dust appeared behind the motorcycle, Elrond's robes flapped through the wind, and his scream could be heard for miles away.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

* * *

Author's Note: Well, whaddaya think. Should I continue? I tried to be accurate on everything, from Elf Lords to Motorcycle parts. Bear in mind I know next-to-nothing about motorcycles. The bike Glorfindel got is an actual 2005 Harley. I went on EbayMotors and selected a random bike that looked right. From there I copied and pasted. Let me know if I made any mistakes so I can correct them. And does anybody have any suggestions for me to add if I do continue? Let me know in a review if you don't mind. 


	2. Elrond's Ride

Author's Notes: Well here we are, Part 2. I was lucky enough to find myself bored at the Kingdom Hall (my religion's church) so I wrote the first 3 paragraphs there. From then on finishing was a breeze. I'm glad I managed to update. My other stories aren't as lucky. I'd like to thank everyone who bothered to review my story. It made me smile all over. I like to get reviews. Now, on with the story.

* * *

As Glorfindel drove off on his motorcycle, Elrond screaming like a girl behind him, a figure rustled in the nearby bushes. The figure stuck it's head out, and watched as Glorfindel disappeared in the distance. The figure was an elf, with angel-like features, and gorgeous brown hair. Well, currently the angel like features were covered in scratches from thorns in the bush, and the gorgeous brown hair was messed up and had leaves sticking to it, but the elf was pretty.

Arwen cackled, "What an amazing bike. I must have it!" She laughed evilly, which was replaced by an 'ouch' as another thorn scratched her. Grumbling, she pulled herself out of the evil bushes.

**.:O:.**

Glorfindel rode through the forests surrounding Rivendell at top speed, howling like a maniac. Birds, squirrels, and other furry woodland creatures fled at the sound of the Twin Cam 88B™ (balanced) EFI engine heading strait for them. Leaves were scattered in the air as the Harley passed. Miles away, elves, and even men could hear Glorfindel's yahoos, and Elrond's squeals.

"HEEEELLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP MMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

Glorfindel turned at Elrond and laughed, "Oh quit being such a baby. Enjoy the ride. You've got over 200 horsepower beneath your legs"

"That's the problem," Elrond shouted over the motor, "I want off"

"Would you relax" Glorfindel said, "Nothings gonna hurt you"

Just then Glorfindel passed a very large branch. He ducked no problem, but the branch hit Elrond sorely in the face, succeeding in hurting him. Fortunately the motor drowned out the various curses emitting from the Lord of Rivendell. After a few minutes Glorfindel spied a caravan of dwarves traveling not far ahead. He got an evil grin, and quickly stopped behind a large tree. He turned to face Elrond.

"Would you like to give some dwarves a scare?" He asked, "If we're lucky they'll be as naïve as you are about motorcycles"

"No" Elrond crossed his arms, "I will not lower myself to such childish games"

"Too bad" Glorfindel gunned the engine, barely having time for Elrond to grab ahold of something. The motorcycle drove up a small cliff right beside the dwarf caravan, and zoomed **right off it**.

The dwarves gazed in wonder as the Harley-Davidson sped into the air. The motorcycle **flew** right over the dwarves' heads, graceful as a bird. It slowly descended, and landed smoothly on the trail on the dwarves' other side. Glorfindel then performed a perfect 360 degree turn, and faced the dwarves, taking his helmet off in the process. Their jaws dropped and their eyes widened at the sight. Glorfindel stood proudly on the shining motorcycle, his pony tailed hair rustling in the wind, and his eyes looking over the black sunglasses. It seemed as though the sun shined extra bright on him. The dwarves were flabbergasted.

Glorfindel slowly took off his shades and looked at the dwarves with a piercing eye, "Anyone want to challenge an elf?" He said challengely, "If so, bring it on" He then accelerated the engine but kept the clutch on, making it sound like the motor was growling, just to prove his point.

The dwarves stared for about a millimeter of a second. Then they sped off like lightning. Glorfindel didn't even know dwarves could run so fast. Once they were out of earshot he laughed uncontrollably.

"Oh man that was great!" He looked over at Elrond, who was gripping Glorfindel's waist like his life depended on it, shaking and shivering all over. But Glorfindel paid no heed, "Did you see the looks on their faces? That was hilarious. I wish I had a camera. Whooo..." He then paused to catch his breath, "Let's do that again"

Elrond merely whimpered and peed in his robes. He had never experienced anything that scary, not even in the War. Glorfindel sighed and decided to take Elrond home. Even he could see that the poor elf was scared silly. Besides, he was running low on gas, having driven the whole thing straight from Gondor without stopping for gas.

"Come on Elrond" He sighed, "Let's head back" Glorfindel started the engine and headed home. He figured Elrond has enough speed for one day and went a steady 40 miles an hour. "Hmmm…" He pondered as he drove, "I wonder if Thranduil would like a ride"

**.:O:.**

Arwen sat in her room, applying gauze to her many scratches and desperately pulling leaves out of her tangled up hair. Her trip from the bushes had been rather messy, and she was not happy about it. From her open window she heard the motor of Glorfindel's motorcycle approaching, which made her brighten up a little.

"Soon Glorfindel" She cackled evilly, "That motorbike will be mine"


	3. Arwen's First Attempt

Author's Notes: Hi folks! I'm finally back. Sorry for taking so darned long. I was having massive writer's block. The only reason I got this chapter out was because I happened to listen to the Mission Impossible theme song on my computer, and was inspired long enough to write this. Obviously this chapter is heavily influenced by the Mission Impossible theme song. I can't guarantee any more chapters immediately, since I'm still struggling, although I now have a better idea than before of what's going to happen. I definitely promise some more chapters. Just be patient and don't flame me.

Reviews are highly encouraged. Now, on with the tale:

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It was late at night. The city of Rivendell rested peacefully inside their bedchambers, well, except for Elrond, their leader, who was being treated for shock. Originally it was just to patch him up after Glorfindel's ride, but apparently the healer's had been to Gondor as well and bought back some upgrades. The combination of large bleeping machines and the one healer's icy cold stethoscope put poor Elrond into a state of shock, which was why the healers were using their large bleeping machines to bring him out of it. But everyone was sleeping silently, all but one.

A certain elven brunette stuck her head out from a bush, a plant she was lately becoming well acquainted of. Arwen peered through the darkness and managed to spot an old greenhouse, which Glorfindel had changed into the garage. The garage where his motorcycle was kept.

"At least his bike shall be mine. And I can ride it to all the parties and be the most popular elf in an Middle Earth." She cackled to herself, "Even more popular than Legolas, that slut"

Checking to make sure the coast was clear, she jumped out of the bush, pausing to pull one of the many sticks out of her hair. Using the dark of night to conceal herself, she quickly sneaked over to the greenhouse/garage, humming the Mission Impossible theme song loudly under her breath. With amazing, albeit rather clumsy, agility she climbed up to the top of the greenhouse/garage. Once on the roof Arwen then crawled over to where an open window was, about 7 feet off the ground. Quietly she lowered herself into the window, using some stacked empty flowerpots to break her fall. She was now inside the greenhouse/garage. She hid herself behind the stacked flowerpots, making sure that she really was alone. Once she was sure no one else was there, she came out into open view, dusting herself daintily. What she didn't notice was that the hem of her sleeve touched an already unstable flowerpot on the edge of the pile. It tilted, but thankfully didn't fall.

The greenhouse/garage was huge. Plants, flowerpots and large bags of fertilizer were all stacked on the side where Arwen was, but that was about the only indication that the room had ever been a greenhouse. Glorfindel had been busy. On one wall tools and other miscellaneous stuff were hung up. Spare parts, dirty rags and grease stains decked the floor. What looked like a workshop table was shoved against another wall. More tools and dirty rags lay on the table. And in the center of the garage, stood what Arwen was after. Glorfindel's bike.

"It's even more amazing at night" Arwen observed how the darkness gave the motorbike an almost feral look. moonlight reflected off the paint job giving it a glowing quality and any scrapes (if there were any) were completely hidden from view.

Arwen was about to step forward towards the plant, when her dress brushed up some dirt on the floor. The dirt wavered over the air for a moment, then settled back down. But Arwen saw all she needed to see. A hint of red was visible through the dust. They were red beams, made visible by the cloud of dust.

"Security beams" She realized, "One touch and an alarm will blow. No way can I get past those Glorfindel was better than I thought"

Thinking quickly, Arwen searched and found a bag of fertilizer that was **way** past the expiration date. It was probably purchased back in the 2nd age. She lifted the heavy thing up, not an easy feat for her weak frame, and opened it up. Sure enough, the fertilizer was so old it turned into dust. She pulled the bag onto her shoulder and sprayed the dust all over the garage. Sure enough, red beams became visible all over the garage. Beams ran across the tables, near spare parts, and the bike especially.

"Blast it!" Arwen cursed, "I'll have to deactivate it. But where's the control panel?" She looked around, but saw no control panel in sight. Then again, she could hardly see anything other than the beams. There was no way she would find it this way, and with those beams she couldn't stumble in the dark without activating the alarm. Since she couldn't turn the security system off, she would have to make her way around it.

Using the stack of flowerpots Arwen climbed up and pulled herself back onto the roof. Despite Glorfindel's drastic changes to the ex-greenhouse, it was still made of glass. Very strong glass, but glass none the less. She crawled over to the part of the roof where she guessed was directly over the bike. It was hard to tell in the dark. She took off her high heeled shoe and gripped it in her palm. Then, using all strength she had, she slammed the heel into the glass. Sure enough, the glass broke, including the part she was currently on. Arwen felt herself tumble into the abyss below, and quickly grabbed the metal frame, barely saving herself from falling.

She looked down and prayed to Valar the glass peices didn't touch the security beams. Fortunately they didn't. Unfortunately Arwen had been a little off as to the location of the motorcycle. It lay harmless on the ground, a good 5 feet away.

"At least the glass didn't get on it," She muttered to herself. She may have been off, but she could still make it. There was another part of the metal frame exposed, which she swung over to and managed to get a grip, like the monkey bars. She was closer to the bike, but still a few feet off. "I could make that jump" Arwen thought, "If I can manage to land on the bike without touching the security beams, I'll be home free. I might set off an alarm when I ride out of here, but it'll be too late by then" She prepared to make the swing. There weren't many security beams in the ceiling, oddly, so they wouldn't be a problem. Only if she missed the bike would there be a problem. And even though it was only a few feet, the bike looked far away.

Arwen gulped, "I can do this, I can do this" She told herself. Slowly she swung herself on the bar, bracing herself. She felt sweat trickle down her forehead. She gave an extra power swing, and let go of the bar. Her body flew through the air, getting closer to the bike, three feet, two feet, one feet. She felt herself began to descend and spread out, hoping, praying that she would land on the bike. She saw the bike neatly below her, and land squarely on the seat. She felt the motorcycle and probably the ground as well tremor beneath her. But she didn't fall off, nor did she set off an alarm. Relived, she let out a breath she didn't even know she had been holding.

But her relief came too sound. The tremor from her landing on the bike caused the pile of flowerpots to shake ever so slightly. The one flowerpot, made perilously unstable thanks to Arwen's sleeve, fell off the pile and onto the ground with a loud **crash**. Instantly red lights started flashing and a loud siren blared. Up in the rest of the palace, figures bounced up from their beds at the sound, including Elrond, his shock now either cured or multiplied, and a certain blond elf.

"A thief!" Glorfindel shrieked, "A thief in my garage! He's stealing my bike!"

He leapt out of bed and ran out into the hallways. Several elves stuck their heads out of the room and stared at the speeding elf lord. Celeborn and Thranduil realized dimly what was going on, and followed Glorfindel. Elrond stumbled out of the healing chambers, pulling an IV needle out of him and grumbling angrily. Glorfindel whizzed past him, causing Elrond to lose his balance and tumble into Thranduil, who grabbed him by the arm and pulled him with them. Glorfindel pulled a random sword hanging off the wall and headed down into his garage, elf lords following. Someone was trying to steal his bike, and he was pissed beyond reason.

**.:O:.**

Arwen panicked. She knew Glorfindel was on his way, probably with her father following suit. All reason left her and she leapt off the bike, not caring that she was touching the security beams, and ran to the door leading to the outside. She kicked the door open, an amazing feat made only possible by her adrenaline and panic. Quickly she sped out of the garage and dove into the nearby bush. And just in time, cause just then Glorfindel slammed into the garage from the other door, his sword held up menacingly.

"Alright who's there?" He demanded, "Show yourself!"

No one answered. Glorfindel flicked on the lights and looked around to see if the thief was hiding. He cautiously stepped over to his bike, grateful that it was still there. He was tense, as if prepared for an attack at any moment. His foot went down and landed on a piece of glass, breaking it. Glorfindel looked down at the glass, then up at the ceiling. Sure enough, there was a large hole in the ceiling. " The point of entry" He looked around for any other signs of the burglar, and saw that the door leading to outside had been forced open from the inside. "The point of exit" He also saw a shoe or something on the floor about 5 feet away. Curious he dropped his sword and went to investigate. He picked it up and examined it closely. It was a high heeled shoe, size 6.

"Arwen" Glorfindel realized, his voice dripping with hate.

By this time Elrond, Thranduil and Celeborn had managed to catch up. They were leaning on the doorframe, panting heavily. Glorfindel looked at them and sighed, then stuck the shoe in a pocket. They didn't need to know.

Thranduil regained his breath first, "What happened?"

Celeborn came second, "And what was that loud wailing?"

"And those flashing lights" Thranduil added.

Glorfindel sighed again, "My security system of course. I installed it to make sure no one would steal my bike" He paused, "Honestly I thought it would be one of you guys"

The elf lords flashed him a glare that would make a Balrog cry for his mommy, but before they could say or do anything Elrond finally stood up.

"I'd suggest" He drawled, "That we go back to bed, and worry about this in the morning"

There was something in his tone that suggested that he was **not** to be contradicted. Probably because he was dragged on a way too fast bike, hit on the head with a branch, knocked into a state of shock, and pricked with an IV needle all in one day. Celeborn and Thranduil complied and went back to their rooms. Glorfindel followed, but not before turning off the lights, which baffled Elrond, and resetting the security system. The control panel had been hidden inside the hallway just outside the garage. Just before Elrond left, he looked at the garage with a sorrowful face.

"Speeding hunks of metal, beeping healer toys, cold necklaces on bare skin, and fascinating lights" He sighed, "What next?'


End file.
